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Man, I Miss Living Next Door to Warren (365:136)
Hahaha, what on earth:
(The fart beat is my favorite part. This is why you keep certain friends for 16 years.)
Beep Beep, Beep Beep, NO (365:135)
Drove by this on the way to work; there was another sideways car on the other side of me:
Only one police officer was there. By the time I got to work, they said on the radio that it was a 10-car accident. (Though that is probably crap; I'd assume a 10-car pile up would make the news.) It's scary to think how close I was to it, timewise.
Driving to work has never been scarier; this is the first winter I've ever had to deal with a highway commute longer than 2 miles. Road rage and accidents used to be a rare thing to witness; now I see these things almost daily. Every single time it snows, I see a car sideways in the middle of the highway. I hate it. And my commute is against traffic.
Also, I'm not sure if my brakes are going bad or if I've just experienced my anti-lock brakes for the first time. Would someone please explain what anti-lock brakes feel like in the comment section so I don't sound like, well, a girl when I go into the car place?
Are they supposed to grind your car to a halt in a start-stopy jerky thing over the course of 10-20 extra feet and scare the crap out of you? And if so, why the hell has that never happened to me before? I've had this car for over 4 years.
Josh Arnold! (365:134)
My schmoobie Josh Arnold is going to be at the Funny Bone with Greg Warren from February 10-14, and if you have a soul you should go see him.
Superslothy Superbowl (365:133)
It's 2:30 am and I'm awake, so it's Sunday, right? I can't stop coughing and I have a ball of anxiety in my chest (for no real reason apart from the usual, just one of those things) so I might as well roll with it.
Tonight (last night?) I showed Justin Goonies for the very first time, and every time Sloth wiggled his ears, Justin would giggle like a little kid and it was just the cutest thing ever.
I really do not have the energy to face my drunk roommates today, especially when I am too sick to get drunk with them. And: no cheese.
I say I get another gyro today, amiright? Go Colts!
Today Was Tough (365:131)
Although, I can't say it was a total bust because I have really great friends and they made me laugh and forget about all the bad stuff for a while. So in that respect, today was still better than most.
(from Janet)
I've Got The Hunger! (365:130)
You guys, not eating cheese is hard. It's like, what is the point of food?
I almost cheated today. I did. I wanted something spicy and I thought, jalepeno poppers! And then that's all I could think about and I almost did it. Almost.
Then I thought, oooh Cajun Crab Dip! It wasn't until I had it in my hand that I realized: cream cheese. (I ate spicy guacamole instead, if you're wondering.)
I have the feeling I'm going to eat worse this month than any other month. I mean, I've been craving and eating tons of meat like hamburgers and cheeseless gyros.
It's sort of like that episode of It's Always Sunny where they eat "human" meat and can't stop eating til they eat more:
I've got the hunger. The hunger for Cheese Friends. 
This month is going to make me cry, isn't it?
Pre-Emptively Like A Wolfman (365:129)
I never used to have issues with migraines and crazy bitchies and overnight fatness and stuff, but for the past few months my Yaz has been like, "I'm on my break." I've been like this for three days:
Today I took a Midol for the first time in my life, and UM what the shit was that shit? I felt wasted all day.
Plus things are still crap with my parents and I am still too injured to run and I can't eat cheese. It's 6pm. I'm going to bed.
The Oldest Game In The World
"Two players. Two sides. One is light, one is dark."
ManBabies (365:127)
The Year Without - Update #2 (365:126)
I did it!
I worked out every day in January. There were four days where I wussed out and only did 3 sets of push ups, but the other days I worked out for at least an hour.
All the letters on the calendar stand for something - "e" is elliptical, "h" is hula hoop, etc. I ran so hard that I, like, dislocated my neck. It still hurts and I still worked out.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to make time for myself every day. In fact, I worked out more than I thought I would. I'm sure I will keep this resolution for the rest of the year.
Up next: a February without cheese. No fancy cheese, no Mac 'N Cheese, no cottage cheese, no cream cheese, no pizza with cheese, no parmesan cheese, no Cheez-Its, not even shitty soy cheese.
Needless to say, tonight I am feasting on Mac 'N Cheese with a side of wine and cheese and cheese for dessert. Tomorrow's withdrawal will be some tragic Intervention-style shit. Pray for me.
29 Squared (365:125)
Last night, I turned 29 on the 29th, so I invited a bunch of friends to Friendly's to watch me drink 29 beers (kidding about that last part). About 20 friends could come - not bad for a snowy Saturday!
I always get a little nervous when I mix groups of friends, but my main gang (Jen, Ron, Niki, Dustin, Nick, Jessica, Katie, Joe, Fritz, Jenny, Graham and Erin), a few Squids (Justin, Olivia, Erik, D. Mike and Courtney), Vee from work and even my old prom date Ty all seemed to get along. I was really touched that so many people braved the weather to come out. It made this birthday one of my most memorable.
A lot of my friends are teachers, so I'm not going to post a bunch of (admittedly tame) bar pictures here, but last night Erin wanted to recreate the following Friendly's picture, which our friend Mike described as, "a Mount Rushmore of women who don't piss me off":
Does this mean I'm Teddy Roosevelt? Love it. Also I just noticed that it says "Hoegaarden" in the background.
I don't think Erin's ever seen me tipsy before so she'll tell you I was trashed, but I'm pretty proud of how drunk I didn't get after sitting in a bar for 5 hours. I didn't even have a hangover this morning!
Like last year, I got lots of cool presents including the world's cutest dancing flower from Jen, cool trinkets from Katie, zines from the fab Jenny Longshot, and more. Justin gave me something I've been wanting for a long time:
YES! I love this thing! And man, I love giant meetups in South City! Thanks for the great birthday everyone!
Just Call Me Mr. Butterfingers (365:124)
Introduced Justin to UHF last night.* My brother and I were obsessed with this movie growing up. Weird Al was my first concert and they played a lot of UHF clips between songs.
We did (and still do) the best impersonation of this guy. I firmly believe that :33 is still the funniest moment in cinematic history:
*Other movies I have introduced him to:
Sixteen Candles
Superbad
Heathers
Mean Girls
and coming someday...
Goonies.
I Should Really Remember to Write These Before I Take My Sleeping Pill (365:123)
Neck is slightly better. Worked out again; 3 days to go. Tomorrow I am 29. Me want food.
Today I remembered the Mimosa pudica plant, a super cool species that I was introduced to in Belize. I mentioned them here.
I found a kit and I am going to grow some this spring, omg!
Anyway, here's a video:
OuchOuchOuch (365:122)
An awesome jam with Bunnygrunt and RØB "As Seen on Jeopardy!" Severson:
Eric Von Damage is modeling the super hot Squidbowl shirt. Erik, RØB and my boyfriend are all Squidbowlers, as well as one of my favorite bloggers and fellow TPC alum DoeBrain.
Really, this team is so rad that I may have to attend Squidbowl nights when Justin's hiatus is over, even though he usually crawls home around 2am on a weeknight.
It's snowing freakishly huge snowflakes so hard right now, which I was not expecting.
Yesterday I ran 3.5 miles and I think my neck was too tense. Or I slept on it wrong, or Jesus hates me, or all three. Either way, it feels like I have whiplash right now. I seriously cried in my car every time I had to look right and check for traffic. So much pain. Vicodin is not helping.
I did some leg lifts and squats for my stupid assy January Year Without Resolution (which I have never hated more than I do right now).
3 Minutes Left! (365:121)
Tonight my mom, Justin and I saw Up in the Air.
It was fun seeing all the St. Louis sites, but what a downer.
The last movie my mom and I saw together was Up.
Before that? Marley and Me. What is with us?
Up next: Schindler's List? Just kidding, I think I am going to introduce her to The Office with a Season 2 marathon.
I Remember. The Poop. (365:120)
This weekend Justin introduced me to Me and You and Everyone We Know and this part (which is probably NSFW and falls into my disturbingly undisturbed category) made me laugh so hard that I couldn't even make noise:
That kid is pretty hilarious, no matter what he's saying. I think he won a Best Supporting Actor award for this somewhere:
Returning to Erin's 6-Degrees obsession for a minute: the dad in that film, John Hawkes, starred in an awesome movie Buttleman, written and directed by my friend/Sludgie boss Francis Stokes. So I am three degrees from that kid. Yay!
We watched the movie through the window of a tent in the middle of his living room, which was pretty sweet even though the floor hurt our backs. I haven't laughed til my sides hurt in a really long time. I've also been running for the last 3 days after a 2 month break, so my legs are killing me.
It was nice to be in incredibly bad pain for incredibly wonderful reasons.
When Life Gives You Lemons (365:119)
Few things in this world delight me like Andrew WK's Party Tips on Twitter.
That said, I am dying of curiosity about this this one:
Weapon of Choice (365:118)
From Erin's Facebook: a young Christopher Walken.
117 FTW! (365:117)
Sorry for a list, but Justin is on his way over and we have champagne to drink! Here's why today is the best:
1. I JUST PAID OFF AN $18,000 CAR LOAN 1 YEAR EARLY. That's like a whole extra paycheck for me!
2. I got a new computer at work today - a computer made in this century that can actually support the Internet, as opposed to my old computer than ran on Firefox ver. 1/2.
3. I ran today! I am out of shape and totally sucked at it, but I hobbled around for an hour and have a total runner's high.
4. Erin posted our conversation yesterday on her blog, which is something I do all the time but have never had done to me.*
5. They are playing The Room at The Tivoli in March! I'd like to think this is all because of me.
6. Pretty much best hair day ever.
7. I finally braved the Whole Foods in Brentwood to buy soy sausage, and made the most bombass breakfast for dinner ever (at least, the best under 300 calories).
Oh Today I Love You XOXOXO
*That's what she said.
Adam and CoCo (365:116)
The song at 2:00 is pretty adorable. And the whole interview reminds me of why I loved both of them in the first place:
Sorry for the lazy blogs; this working out every day is starting to cut into my schedule. WE GOT OURSELVES A SITUATION. 
GIF via FourFour
"I Thought I Would Take Her Ahp On Eet, Hahaha" (365:114)
Exactly 6 months ago today, Justin invited me to sneak into that little movie theater room at Webster U to watch our mutual favorite movie, The Room.
Afterwards, we stopped by Weber's for a drink. 3 drinks later, he asked me if I'd like to go out again. So today is sort of our 6 month anniversary? Hooray! I realize this is incredibly cheesy, but it's important to note for 3 reasons:
2. Janet and Courtney bragged about my party to Justin, who then asked me, "What is The Room?" This was our first conversation ever and apparently sparked his crush on me. Thanks, The Room.
3. It has been almost 15 years since I had a decent 6 month anniversary:
I don't know if I ever told you guys what happened with me and Pat, but the gist is this - we hung out almost every day for 6 months. People would refer to him as my boyfriend or me as his girlfriend and he wouldn't flinch. However, after 6 months I needed clarification: "AM I your girlfriend?" He replied, "I don't know, we haven't talked about it yet." Then he avoided me for like two weeks. I called him out on this and we "broke up".
Brian and I got together in London when I technically still had a boyfriend back home, so during our 6 month "anniversary" I was in another state, probably hanging out with my actual boyfriend.
THAT boyfriend got drunk and passed out on our 6 month anniversary, AS USUALLY.
In fact, the only decent 6 month anniversary I've ever had was during my first long relationship ever... when I was 16. Mark and I celebrated by going out to the movies - National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation. Romance!
SO I AM TAKING THIS SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY AND OWNING IT, DAMMIT. In honor of our happiness and the movie that brought us together, I will spend the whole day punctuating each sentence with a Tommy Wiseau laugh:
No Topanga, No (365:113)
If there's one thing about "celebrity news" that bothers me (besides celebrity babies), it's news stories about how an actress "struggled" with her weight, when in reality her problems were nothing compared to the struggle of an average woman.
I think this started with my arch-enemy Maria Menounos, who claimed that she was "practically obese" at 155 lbs. in college and could *gasp* eat four pieces of pizza at once! About a month later, I read a story where she talked about how hard it was to have a diabetic father. At the time, I was probably 160 lbs. and had a blind diabetic father, and I was like fuck you Maria Menounos. And fuck you, media. Where the hell is my Us Weekly cover?
This week, my beef is with the author of a recent People article about Danielle Fishel, who played Topenga on Boy Meets World. And I mean, I like Danielle Fishel! I think she is gorgeous!
In the article, she claims that after topping out at a ghastly 140 bs., she "struggled" with her 112 weight, and has now "accepted" her weight of 126 lbs. I rolled my eyes out of my head when I read this article because:
1. I would choke a bitch to weigh 126. And if we're being honest, I would choke a bitch to weigh 140!
2. I know it's catty and evil to comment on this, but I find it hard to believe that her "curvy" "real" weight is 126. (And let me stress this, I don't think she's fat.) Maybe I just don't want to believe it. Because it would be too sad if she was that stressed about weighing exactly what she should weigh. Fishel is 5'1 - an inch shorter than me. I know that everyone is shaped differently and the camera adds 10 lbs., but does anyone remember that week I weighed 125? Or even the year I weighed 135? I was rocking a size 2 and 4!
3. The article barely mentions the time she weighed 89 lbs. and passed out on the set of Boy Meets World. I'm sorry, but when you consider coping with a tubby 126 lbs more of a struggle than starving yourself into unconciousness? You're part of the problem. I want to punch whoever wrote this.
4. The part that angers me the most is when the writer claimed that Fishel, after a bikini photoshoot, "GORGED HERSELF" on a meal of "grilled cheese, french fries and a milkshake." Yes, "gorged". Is that really what gorged means these days? Granted it's a crap meal with a days worth of calories, but it's also an entree, side dish and drink. To me, gorged means more than one meal at a time, like a whole pizza or a box of Entenman's donuts or whatever else people eat in Lifetime movies.
Sorry to rant. I've been on this mission to lose 40 lbs (which will place me at the exact BMI recommended for someone my height and age) and I've had to defend this decison around people (most of whom are at least 6 inches taller than me and will therefore always consider me "tiny") and I really want a quesedilla from Qudoba today and I'm sad that I can't and I'm just this hungry fat fatty with fat on the brain.
*To be fair, I should probably hate their PR reps more than anyone else. Or like, society. But it should be illegal to participate in an article like this unless you were actually obese or at a weight that would cause health problems.
People Often Laugh At Dog Snuggies (365:112)
But they always fail to mention the best part:
On the back of the box, there's a picture of dogs playing Backgammon.
Also I Love Them (365:111)
THIS IS MY IMPERSONATION OF MY ROOMMATES WHO ARE IN THE NEXT ROOM TALKING AND ARE LITERALLY
SITTING 2 YARDS AWAYFROMEACH
OTHER TALKING AND YET I CANNOT
HEAR A YOUTUBEVIDEO ON
FULL VOLUMEOH MY GOD
SHUT UP
Also, I lost 5 pounds! Woot!
Enjoy This While It Lasts (365:110)
These were always my favorite parts of the show, but apparently they aren't included on the DVDs because of copyright issues. MAN, why have I never wasted an evening watching all these clips? There are dozens of them on YouTube. It will probably be deleted in a week or two.
Back when my parents were extra religious (and *cough* before television remotes became a necessity), I used to watch Beavis and Butthead on the lowest volume, sitting three inches away from the TV so I could (a) hear it and (b) change the channel fast enough to not get busted.
Justin and I have been watching The State lately and we started talking about MTV's weird copyright problems... like, my favorite (shut up) Real World/Road Rules seasons will probably never make it to DVD because the soundtracks include thousands of clips and the rights would be impossible to obtain today.
Heck, if Freaks and Geeks can salvalge the majority of their soundrack for DVD release, then fucking Music Television should be able to pull it off. And you know, if Girl Talk can get away with sampling every song in existence, early-to-mid 90's bands should just deal with their 10 second clips that play while Puck and Rachel flirt or whatever. In fact, they should be grateful! I would forget that half those bands even existed if it wasn't for the VHS marathons I still come across at my parents house.
100 bucks says that video is deleted before I hit "publish".
The Year Without - Update #1 (365:109)
I've actually worked out every day this month so far, assuming I find time to work out today. Hula hooping, workout DVDs, free weights, the ab roller, etc. SOUNDTRACK!:
There have been three days where I was beyond exhausted and didn't want to work out at all... on those days I did 3 sets of pushups. (Whenever I do a workout DVD, pushups are the part that totally kills me, so while it's a small exercise, it's something I desperately need.) But there were also at least 8 days where I worked out for over an hour. So yes, technically I've worked out in some form for the last 2 weeks.
My roommate just bought an elliptical and he's been encouraging me to use it. I think he wants some competition. And the snow has finally melted enough to where I can run on the track. I did the elliptical last night for a half hour and DAMN, I have missed serious cardio and my iPod. This will do so much good for me, mentally and physically.
I haven't lost much weight - which sucks because I'm on a serious mission to do just that - but hopefully the harder workouts will have some effect. I don't want to talk about my weight until I'm at least 1/4 towards my goal, but it's there. Please don't feed me.
As Billy Blanks would say, "Double Time!" The first half of this month was about getting myself into the mindset of working out every day. Just do something; no excuses. Now I'm ready to kick it up a notch. I have the feeling I'll be carrying this habit into February. We'll see.
Tea With Chauncey (365:108)
I've been cat-sitting Chauncey again, and despite it costing me $30 in parking tickets (from a parking ticket last night, and one from last month that I just learned about), it's been a total blast. Chaunce is bigger than the two dogs I live with combined, and when Justin is out of town, he's almost as snuggly. As I've said before, cuddling with Chauncey is like cuddling with a baby bear.
Cats are normally very sporadic and conditional with their affection, but MAN when you cat-sit, they can't get enough of you. Is it more messed up that I'm basically forcing him to love me, or that he's shamelessly using me for fresh water and laser-pointer chasing?
I used to practically live at Jen and Ron's house, and while their cat DeeDee likes me enough to occasionally chew my hair, Dexter never even acknowledged me until the week that I fed him. (I take that back, one time he wandered into my lap by accident and almost murdered me in a panic when he realized I was not Jen).
Hey cat owners - is it like this every time you come home? Are they always this happy to see you initially? Because living with two needy, spazzy dogs has made me think that perhaps a solid, flat-rate 30-minute dose of love is the way to go.
(Sidenote: Holy shit, can you imagine Bacon living with a cat?)
Anyway, my point is Chaunce makes me sneeze nonstop and gives me itchy, blood-red eyes (plus a sexy face hive when he licks my nose), but dang, all he wants to do is nuzzle my cheek and purr and actually literally hug me, and I can't say no.
Oddly enough, Justin just texted me to brag that he saw one of Hemingway's cats. Brain twins!
(Also contrary to the evidence above, I actually do have a neck and all my teeth.)